Posts Tagged ‘kink’

Inside the mind of a submissive man

January 9, 2008

I just came across a slew of new (to me) submissive male/dominant woman blogs, and some of the writing there just blows me away. It’s so raw and real and intense, and having just had a pretty intensely kinky week myself (more on that later), I am grateful when I see others talking about their kinks and what it means to them. This may be my bias or misperception, but sometimes I feel like kink is often so showy; it’s about impressing someone, whether it’s your top or the people in your local scene, or the internet, with how much you can take, or what you look like doing it. And in my opinion, yes, sometimes showing off or being somehow public with your kinkiness can be part of the fetish, but I’m much more interested in the inner transformations people go through, in what they think they’re capable of and what they actually are. I think this blogger, Under the Boot, expresses that push/pull so well – the desire for pain, and the acknowledgement that yes, it’s actually painful. That in the moment, we may long for it to stop, but we really don’t want it to.

Me, I’ve been on both sides of that, and of late have discovered my capacity for cruelty. Well, within a BDSM context. I’m discovering that when I’m with a submissive partner, as I was recently, I want to inflict pain on him, but not just for his sake. There is something so carnal and powerful and exciting, not to mention arousing, about taking someone to that place, about getting off on their pain and squeals, about making them, literally, submit to your will. And I actually believe that both players, or sides, in BDSM, have much in common in terms of the transformative aspects of kink. I went to a wonderful exhibit while I was in London called Seduced at the Barbican and came across this quote from Paul Schmidt about Mapplethorpe’s work:

“We drag ourselves through darkness and hope to come out into light, no longer the same, but OTHER.”

I thought it was quite, quite apt.

From the blog Under the Boot:

I want to be hurt. More than that, I want to be taken to my limits. Hell, I want to find those limits and watch — no, feel — her dance past them a bit. Show me I’m stronger than I think. I want her to hit me and hit me and get me to the point where I want to use the safeword.

I’m simultaneously aroused and ashamed to say I want her to bring tears to my eyes.

I want to be clamped and struck and slapped and have my hair pulled and I want her to hit my cock with a riding crop and bite me. I want her to scratch her name into my back. Over and over again. I want marks and stripes and I’m okay with blood.

She…the last time I was up there, she took these big clips and clamped them on my nipples. And then she started trying to whip them off with the crop and then the flogger. The problem is, I suspect that trick works better with clothespins. So she sat there for five minutes, hitting and hitting and hitting and those fucking clamps never budged, and it hurt, so fucking much, worse than anything she’s ever done to me. I didn’t tell her how bad it hurt because I loved it. I didn’t want her to hold back in the future. My nipples were so sore the rest of the weekend, and so every time she twisted them or bit them or hit them, it fucking hurt so much worse than normal, because of this one session.

But I loved it. I loved it so much, I can’t even express how it felt to have her standing over me with that flogger and just swinging and for my chest to feel like one big glowing sun of pain. I could see her face, normally when she strikes me, when I’m on my hands and knees or on my belly, I can’t see her, and I could watch her as she did it, and she looked so peaceful and angry and thoughtful at the same time.

Dominant woman artwork by Eve Poland

January 3, 2008

This is one of many awesome and sexy pieces of art by Eve Poland, who has an exhibit of her artwork up at London’s wonderful sex toy shop for women, Sh! I went there today and bought an “eco-flogger” (flogger made out of recycled tires) and perused all their kinky offerings. Definitely check out Eve’s other artwork, and stop by Sh! to buy some for yourself (or, even better, for your mistress).

“Am I a Masochist?”

January 1, 2008

Blogger Unsepeakable Axe, who describes himself as “A New York submissive, masochist and romantic, “wookin’ pa nub” and trying to have fun along the way..,” asks “Am I A Masochist?”

Some define a masochist as someone who can take a lot of pain, others say its someone who can have an orgasm from it.

I’ll say, from my limited experience with caning, that I’m more of the former. But then again, I’ve never been caned by someone I was really into.

One of the hottest experiences in my life was when I was out on a date with someone, we were making out and she dug her fingernails deep into my side (so deep I had marks in my side for months and months afterwards).

I was in heaven. She whispered in my ear “I love that you’re a pain-slut”. It wad one of the sexiest things anyone has ever said to me. Sadly that was as far as it went with her.

I do know that, when it comes to caning, I can usually take a lot of pain. I friggin’ love it. I love taking it for that person, feeling their power and….ok I guess I am getting turned on by it.

I also love the emotional release. I’ve only had one really really good beating and I ended up crying because of it (and because while in deep subspace I thought heard the voice of the woman I was desperate for at the time).

read the whole post

“Writing the Whip” – Diary of a Dominatrix

December 27, 2007

There’s an ongoing Diary of a Dominatrix over at SMITH Magazine called “Writing the Whip” that’s very interesting reading. Here’s part of a piece about kidnapping sessions:

Hunt and capture. Both of these cases were consensual. The former session, though, comprised of planned details, a stun gun, and a sturdy sense of humor. I had prepped the studio with equipment ready at the door to lock X into heavy metal. I kept X in chains or in the cage for the entire time. I bound Arjen in rope and duct tape after we had shed our clothes. Even while I whipped his chest with a short rubber cat, I seduced with my body language and eyes. I still kept him safe. I kept him captive by simply telling him that he was not allowed to leave the room. In the morning, I stepped out to retrieve coffee and have breakfast with my friends. Arjen was hogtied by the bed, the “Do Not Disturb” sign was on the door handle. If he had asked to leave, given an excuse of a job or fear, I would have let him go. X could have broken into tears, screamed, shouted bloody murder and I wouldn’t have him go unless I heard the word, “Mercy.” I knew him too well.

I love kidnapping. As a break from my daily routine and duties as a Domina, it’s a great scene to plan, as well as a great spontaneous night adventure. In my own seduction scenarios, my sadistic sensual-sexual needs are satiated. In my professional sessions, I make sure the captive feels they are completely used. At the same time, my sadistic psychosexual needs are satiated. For X’s case, he gets his money’s worth because it is a fantasy he wants to happen, a fantasy unlikely to happen if he leaves it to chance. After all, odds are unlikely you’ll visit a bar and have a capable, trustworthy Domina choose you to kidnap for the eve.

Watch Rachel read from She’s on Top

December 26, 2007

Soon I’ll have much more audio and video erotica for you, but for now, here’s me reading part of my She’s on Top story “His Just Rewards,” about a man who truly gets what’s coming to him!

Preaching to the Perverted

December 8, 2007

So I’ve been a huge fan of Guinevere Turner for a long time. You may know her from the classic lesbian film Go Fish, Cheryl Dunye’s amazing Watermelon Woman, her brief cameo in Chasing Amy, or as a writer on The L Word. One of my favorite films of hers has to be Preaching to the Perverted, and in fact, I took one of my pseudonyms from her – Tanya (for her role as Tanya Cheex in Preaching) Turner. If you haven’t seen this film yet, please go out and rent it now – or better yet, buy it, because you’ll probably be like me and want to watch it over and over again! Here’s the trailer:

I also love that on Amazon, people who’ve bought Preaching have bought She’s on Top – very cool! I highly recommend it to anyone into fetish, female domination, and/or Guinevere Turner.

Yes, Ma’am: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance will be out in March 2008!

December 7, 2007

Yes, Ma’am: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel, will be published by Cleis Press in March 2008. Below you’ll find the cover (HOT!), publisher’s blurb, table of contents, and my introduction.

I’ll post more about it as it gets closer, and this blog will pertain to the book as well as the general topic of female dominance. Feel free to send any info/tips/questions to yesantho at gmail.com and thanks for reading! If this cover/topic intrigue you, you’ll probably enjoy She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission. You can read some excerpts from She’s on Top on my website. And while nothing’s finalized, if these do well, I’d love to do more kinky books just like this! I’ll also have Yes, Ma’am postcards in a few months, so stay tuned.

Yes, Ma'am cover

What makes a man cower before a powerful woman? Find out as you experience the thrill of submission to the woman who dominates you day and night. In this collection, naughty boys get what’s coming to them from wicked wives and stern mistresses. From a naked party plaything at the mercy of a room full of powerful women to being tied up and shown how to truly please the woman of your dreams, these men get fully teased and taunted, receiving the punishments they truly deserve and crave. Yes, Ma’am gives a whole new meaning to the term “mean girls,” one that will be sure to delight and arouse you.

Yes, Ma’am Table of Contents

Introduction: Giving It Up: Letting Her Rule

Zero Sum Game by Alex Mendra
Secret Desires by Ellen Tevault
Tea for Three by Lee Ash
Exhibit A by Chris Cooper
A Different Kind of Reality Show by D. L. King
Secretary’s Day by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Wedding Night by Dominic Santi
Flash by Alison Tyler
It’s Cold Outside by Stephen Elliott
An Invitation to the Dance by Sylvane Alistair
Sticking with You by L. E. Bland
i 1t u 2 do sumfin 4 me by George Cross
Rope Burn by A. D. R. Forte
His Lady’s Manservant by Andrea Dale
Taming the Unruly by Debra Hyde
The Big What by Michael Hemmingson
The Mean Girl by Teresa Noelle Roberts
Connection by Kristina Wright

Introduction
Giving It Up: Letting Her Rule

“What makes a man cower before a powerful woman?” I asked in my call for submissions for this book. What you’ll find here are numerous answers to that question, though surely there are infinitely more waiting to be written. Men are the ones gifted with all sorts of power in our society, but our dirty little secret is that so many of them long to strip themselves of this power, to be tied down, gagged, spanked, taken, owned. They want to be made to do a woman’s bidding, whether that means being ordered into a threesome or put on full, naked display, as you will read about here. They want to ease the burdens of manliness, if only for a little while, to be “ordered” to do all the naughty things they’ve dreamed of.

Submissive men are some of the most misunderstood, and invisible, sexual creatures around. Their voices simply aren’t heard in popular culture, though you’ll find them in plenty of bedrooms, in the blogosphere, and in fetish clubs. After putting together the anthologies He’s on Top and She’s on Top, I wanted to look at BDSM from the bottom’s perspective. Why would a man want to give up control? What does he get out of such an arrangement? These stories show you some of the tantalizing possibilities out there for sniveling men and the women who love them.

Men who crave the company of a dominant woman find her with wives, girlfriends, and dominatrices, sometimes bringing out the kinky tendencies of their partners, other times tapping into what’s already well developed, yet we rarely hear their authentic voices telling us what makes them shiver with fear and excitement. There’s still a taboo element to our leaders—in business, government, and the home—voluntarily relinquishing the top spot. Men are taught to be the hunters, not the hunted, and when the tables are turned, many are all too thrilled to be treated like scum. The flipside is that any woman who can lure a submissive man into her lair knows just how valuable a prize she’s gotten and will surely want to keep him happy, even if this means putting her foot down, literally, upon him, as the boss in “Secretary’s Day” does to her new hire.

“Masturbation without permission was strictly forbidden. This was the most difficult for me because I got so worked up being Rikka’s little whore that I desperately needed to jerk off,” writes Alex Mendra in “Zero Sum Game.” He describes his setup with the commanding Rikka as “perfection,” striving to be everything she desires, but delighting in each form of punishment she cooks up, whether a firm spanking across his ass or the sudsy scene she cooks up for him.

In Stephen Elliott’s “It’s Cold Outside,” the element of realism he so beautifully captures takes us far beyond the clichéd Catwoman fantasy into the stuff of real life, where a woman commandeers the body of the narrator while her boyfriend is asleep. She leaves him tied up, helpless—and horny, and he takes her marks with him, literally and figuratively, when they part.

In “The Mean Girl,” Teresa Noelle Roberts writes of a man reminiscing about his first fantasy domme, now embodied by his real-life Cruella. “I tasted every humiliation I’d ever faced in my hopeless pursuit of Muffy Spaulding—made new and fresh and delicious because now it was coming from Heather, whom I loved. Whom I really did worship, kinky games aside.”

There’s also plenty of humor here. In “A Different Kind of Reality Show” by D. L. King, the author takes us behind the TV screen, where a man is controlled by a cacophony of women’s voices, each taking more delight than the next in ordering him to humiliate himself for their pleasure.

Debra Hyde encapsulates perfectly why the “unruly” man doesn’t just wish to be tamed, but needs to be. “Fear no longer dominates; submission does. I am vessel and vassal—tool and toy, the means to her pleasure. I am hers.” If those words resonate with you, making you long for a woman to come along and grab you by the scruff of your neck, or order you to your knees, or simply control you with one fierce, all-knowing look, then this is the book for you. Go ahead, say the words out loud: “Yes, Ma’am.” Wherever your domme is, she’ll hear you.

Rachel Kramer Bussel
New York City